The person you marry shouldn’t be the one you can live with, but the one that you can’t live without.

How great the world would be if we can see this kind of love lasting till the end of the best partnership in the existence… marriage.
Loving somebody with all your heart with no judgment and no expectation, no exceptions.
People might actually fall in love and feel this feeling, but along the way, life happens and partners become not just only being able to live within marriages but it goes even further.

Very often in today’s marriage, we can see the third and the worst form of this partnership, where they cannot live with each other.
And this doesn’t mean that these people have never loved each other, it only means that they have never used the full potential of real love.

Love and marriage can be the roughest ride ever in once lifetime. So many beauties and so many lessons.

That is why we have to be very aware how we enter on this ride and how do we travel along so that we don’t end up in the third category of broken partnership.

My lessons learned…

Respect yourself and each other
People grow, they never stop growing and as they grow they tend to change. Changes will be good and some of them maybe not so good, but respecting yourself for who you are should never go away. Because the one that loves you will always respect you for who you are.
Respecting each other is the best way that can always take you back to the most beautiful and basic love.

Here is some more help on this What is respect in marriage

Never stop talking
Never, never, never stop talking to each other. The conversations will change but the talks about each other’s feelings, happiness, dreams, and wishes should always stay as a constant. Because the man who loves you will love to hear all of them all the time. Go back to the great memories, relive them and enjoy once more in them together.

Here is some more help on this When couples stop talking reasons and reminders.

Kids are kids but love is love
If the ride goes crazy in one marriage than it is the time when children arrive. The joy and happiness that these little people can bring are endless, but also the stress and the need for change in the shortest time ever. Children are important and this feeling can overwhelm and even drown the partners. If there is a time where both partners should be more close to each other than this is the time for that.
Kids will grow and will become what they will become, but you will be the one that stays to talk and love each other.

Here is some more help on this Staying in love while raising kids

 

 

 

When you child becomes not autistic after 4 years of being one.

And this shall pass…

Remember this, because very often life is giving us lessons, and when we are not aware living tend to become very hard.

My child was diagnosed with dysfunctional development, and then it was autism, and then it was not.How this did happen…It was not because of the magical cure for autism but because of the information.
We have done all the tests and did a research but after a while doctors have decided that it is a specter of autism. Time was passing and the child was making some progress, and then they have decided that is not.

But what happened to me and my family going through this 4 years.
Somebody get stronger, somebody gets tougher, but most of us learned something that nobody expected.

We have learned acceptance and love.
As a parent, you are never enough prepared to deal with some issues with your children, typical and not typical ones. It would be senseless to say that the parents of typical “normal” ones are just having the time of their lives with their children. But having a not typical child will challenge you on so many levels. On the end of the day, there is no other thing than seeing yourself how much you have grown. But on the other hand, this growth can be in many directions and that is what makes the difference in the quality of living for us, for our child and for our family.

Nothing is final, nothing lasts forever and nothing is here to stay.
Being in the middle of the problem most of the times is so overwhelming that life feels like you are drowning in the middle of the ocean. Letting it go can make all the difference for you.
Learning to stop, get to the point where you will go to knowing that there is always a way.
I am saying this because from this perspective I have seen the best improvement in my son’s state only when I have decided to let go.
You can always try, but if it’s ending to be a suffering to you and him then you should just let go. That doesn’t mean that you should give up? NO. It means to let that thing of yourself, making some space something else to appear that will do the situation better.There is nothing in this world that is covering the past, present and the future as strongly as a parents care for their children. The feeling of their well being is always burdened with what will be and how it will be. The feeling of not having the control over somebodies else’s life makes us so fearful and stuck, in our past and their future instead of being here and now.

The NOW when they told me that my child has autism was devastating. But did I decided to live in it as my future? NO. I have decided that every moment is worthy of being the best, at least every present day if not less.

One question test to check… How do you feel about HELP?

Do you know how you should feel when you give help?

Help, the most valued action in this world.

And we humans get very confused and lost along the way with giving and asking for help.

In order to see what is happening, we are just going at the beginning of all.

The first and the most basic help that we get is from our parents. They are doing everything to help us in the beginning of our journey in this world, taking care of us, giving up on their own comfort so that they can help us because they know how helpless we are.

And the feeling on both sides is the most beautiful and the most enlightened of all. Reasons…I believe it is because of the unconditional love. The love that comes with the cleanness of babies filled with a feeling of no restrictions and no expectations.

And then learning starts to take place. It is a process, every action with a certain reaction. Every newly learned thing with a new expectation.

When you are small, your expectations are small. If you fall down you are thought to get up. You need a hand for a while and then you don’t. And when you master getting up again by yourself, the help is gone. Now comes the next step. You need to build up your strength, to learn the process of falling and getting up BY YOUR SELF.

This is just a drop of water in the ocean of our life, of being helped, but it holds the basics and the essence of helping.

Now if we only manage to keep this pattern of helping, then life would be a better place for all of us. Where do we get things wrong?

While growing up, our helping parents create a picture of us and the picture of us is created with all their wishes for our best life, all their fears of our worst life, and all the expectations of our actions finished by judgments of how we should be.

Let’s not judge, because they did what they thought it’s the best.

Now when we are all grown up being who we are, do we ask what kind of helpers have we become?

Do we give our support with no restrictions and no expectations or do we always calculate?

Do we measure our emotional and material gain while giving help to someone?

We should be AWARE and always ask ourselves these questions.

And the answer may be clear or not, but one thing is certain.

Help FEELS really good, sometimes it feels like helping a little baby start walking, sometimes it feels like helping an old lady cross the street, just because you see that she cannot do it by herself.

And help LOOKS like a man going into the fire to help someone stuck in the burning building. The need for help is one of the essential needs of a human being. And if it is given appropriately, it will produce the best felling of all. With helping others we actually help ourselves be released from judgment, expectations.

Without going into all the complications of how helping can go wrong in this world.

Let’s take just stick to the knowledge that help feels amazing and that it is good for all.

Life is 10% of what happens to us and 90% how react on it.

Let’s talk about this.

When I read this quote, the first thing that comes to my minds is… I don’t have a control over my life.

True or false?

Usually, we notice our big reactions the most when BIG things happen to us, and it goes for the bad and good ones. But actually, every little thing that we mostly do on “autopilot” is just a reaction of our reaction of our reaction.

Are we aware of our reactions?

Do we even see what’s happening?

Everything around is triggering some of our reactions, sometimes without even us knowing that it happened. Every picture, sound, voice, face, and the smell is taking us to a certain experience that we had before, and from there we can only react to the present moment.

Truly being in nonreactive space is when we create something new. When we experience the inspiration, we do not have space for reaction. Knowing this, we should use every opportunity to be more in the place of creation instead of just reacting.

When there is creation, there is no judgment and no resistance. When there is creation there is always a flow.

Think about what is making you feel like you’re flowing, and feels great to do.

That is your LIFE.

Feel free to comment and share your opinion and feeling about it. Maybe along the way, someone will get inspired by you.

Best 3 tips to make your children’s room Self-serving

What is the first thing that comes to your mind when you think of your children’s room?
Are you freaking out the moment you open the door? Are you becoming the “bitchy mom” every time the room should have been cleaned? Then welcome to the club.

Moms… we are not using our best resources here. Even our smallest children are capable of taking care of some things in the room and their environment.
The first thing to consider… We should seriously LET GO of control and let the children do their best. After all, it is their room.
Our job here should be to make their job a bit easier so that they can achieve their goals with ease.

Minimize
Our children do not need much. They don’t need hills of toys and crafting materials. Minimize or you will become a slave to the things especially in the children’s room. Make it easier for your children to help you and easier to help themselves in achieving to keep their room in order. With so many colors, the number of items in the room is overwhelming for every adult, let alone for the children.
When mess happens, it’s almost mission impossible to fix it, it is impossible to play with.

Use visual labels and schedules
Children love visuals. NO matter the age. Actually, we all love visuals. Even the letters that we read are a visual imprint in our mind. Use the power of visuals to help your children remember things that are their responsibility more easily. The freedom that you have with these tools will make your life much easier. Use the pictures from the internet or just take a crayon and draw as simple as possible whatever you what to present. Children will love it anyway. They will understand the picture and instantly remember their task without bothering to read and then translate in their brains what it should look like.
Schedules for a number of events, especially the repetitive ones as going to bed routine will be so stress-free when the only thing they will hear is that they should go to the schedule and do whatever it says, instead of you repeating and giving all the instructions every day.
Like this is just one thing to remember and easy to follow.

Keep it clean
Keep the floor clean. When the floor is messed up the room is considered unclean. No matter if everything else is in place, the feeling is that the room is messy.

Make a special rule that the floor should be clean as much as possible. Make a visual rule that if something stays on the floor more than the certain time, it will “disappear” from the room. But then after a while, it can only appear if the floor stays clean longer.
Make a story and be playful. Children will love it and you will be the happiest one since you won’t have to clean the floors.

Be creative, for your sake and for the sake of your children. They do not value the cleaning and keeping the order around them. But if we make this activity as the ongoing interesting thing it will be good for all. Now you have to decide.

Take some time, plan this thing and create a self-serving room where your children will do most of the work by themselves with you.

Best ways to make a house that creates everything you need.

I believe that “Home is a feeling, not space”. But, most of the time the feeling of home is where your loved ones are and where you spend the best moments in your life.

We can see the proof of this with the teenagers. They are so eager to go away from home no matter how good and pleasant their life is with their families. They are searching for more.

But even if the home is just a feeling, then building a good house can make that feeling even stronger and even better.

Once upon a time, people didn’t need to travel so far to get what they need, they had it all very close to them. And lately, we started going back to this because of many reasons.

We eat food from all over the world, but our body is “programmed” to coexist best with the food that grows around us.
We do activities that are made to only treat the symptoms of our living and not comply with our living.
Our homes are made to separate us from the only things that support our life… Nature.

Before we stop and think of the list of what is wrong with our lives and with our living, we can find a great solution to treat all these symptoms with only one thing.
We can build our home to serve us with the best things that one home can give.
Building a home that creates food, keeps us in touch with nature and gives us the logical and sustainable way of living.

Earthship is a house that can do all of this for you. By using the best principals of natural building and using the best attributes of earth and nature. This house will produce food for you, will give you shelter for the lowest cost ever, will be beautiful and functional and it will give you the need to do activities that will bond you with nature.
This way of living will solve all the symptoms that we see in the society without even working on them.

Smart home
It’s smart when your utility bills are small, almost insignificant. Only by using the thermal energy of the earth and water you can create a cool place in summer, and warm and cozy place at winter almost for free.

Healthy home
Being in touch with the ground and having an opportunity to eat what you plant and grow in your house, can be the best health benefit that you can have. And the joy of growing and producing your food, the opportunity to touch the soil and the plants every day will give you the best mind rest ever. The one thing that we lack the most these days.

Beautiful home
This way of building homes can be so beautiful because the only thing that can be a limit is your imagination. The only thing that you should think is to keep in mind the principals of a smart and healthy house, all the rest it is up to your wildest imagination.

How to keep yourself sane when living with someone with Dementia.

The body is a very mysterious matter, it will do many things to protect itself. And when I say everything I mean it will engage the mind into so many strange “states of mind” only to protect itself.

Demetria is not a sickness, it is only a state of urgency that the body is creating in order to protect itself from harming itself.
People with dementia have a strange behavior of forgetting things. Things that were stressful or that were connected with a stressful memory. After a while, maybe even small things in the near present will be forgotten, but that is probably a part of the package.

People who suffer this state can be very hard to live with, so it is very important to know some simple tricks how to survive with the people with dementia.

Don’t go to the past
Dementia can be different in the different states and it can change in relation to how relaxed, painless, and happy the person is. Being aware of these states can help you cope with the symptoms of the state. The people with dementia have a tendency to repeat some event or something in the past, asking for something that they have already had. The secret is to never go back and try to explain what you had done for them or what they did.

Don’t explain
Explaining the situation over and over again will never help. Do not let them lead the conversation on their own terms because even if they do, most of the times they are not capable. SO, do not explain but do create a version of what they should talk about according to the terms that you create.

Always go to the near future something to expect
Past events are usually the ones that are the problem, the ones which are partially forgotten or events that just happened but they do not exist in the present.
Take them to the near future. Make sure that all that they ask to do and it is not logical is transferred for the near future. Whatever they ask you, just shift their attention in the near future, like yes it will happen in just an hour, or it shall happen just when somebody comes. That will give them a sense of calmness that it will happen soon. Although most of them will forget about it in a couple of minutes or even seconds.

Be mentally prepared every time when you talk to them
If you are not mentally prepared to talk to these people you might get very annoyed, stressed even disturbed. Be aware that their fears can come very strong and unrelated. Whenever they ask for something and start a conversation be present to calm them down so that you avoid more unrelated conversations and stress for them and for you.
And always remember, these people are the same ones that you knew. Have patience and love because their life did not get easier.

Check this from your goal list, before even start thinking about losing weight.

I am one of the human overweight population on this planet.

Did I pay attention to what is happening to my mental health because of this ugly symptom of human dissatisfaction? Yes, I did. And that leads me to the road of being overwhelmed, trapped feeling dissatisfied and helpless.

We should have learned by now…. If we have a symptom in our body, and if we treat it wrongly it will not go away. Actually, it will become even greater and more disastrous for the body and the mind. Treating the symptom can only lead to another failure, losing weight and then gaining even more.

So since our body is a part of us, the actual support in this 3D reality, let’s not treat it as an external part of us.

“The mind with the emotions, soul with the presence and the body with physical existence are making my whole me. If something is not working properly then I should reconsider balancing all of them together.”

Our existence is a balance of these three aspects of us, and if one of them fails to perform well, the other two will suffer.

Weight gain and the sicknesses of the body are the symptoms of an imbalance in some of our aspects.

When we try to fix the equilibrium, we do not push on the one side and try to measure. We set it up first and then let it go to balance itself. Only then do we measure and get the great results.

Every great success that happened to people while losing weight or taking control over their body IS NOT because of the motivation to stick very rigidly to the diet. It is the shift in their aspects that opened the road for self-regulation.

If we want to approach our body condition and are thinking about changing the state and the shape of it,  then we should definitely NOT start with a diet or an exercise…

We should clear up some questions in our minds… And usually, when people find the right answer for this question, all aspects of us will start acting differently, and the body will start to regulate itself with no effort.

Who are you?

The biggest question in the universe… Just thinking about it can make you feel overwhelmed.

And here, of course, you don’t ask yourself about your job vocation, or about your family role, or even about your religious or other beliefs. Instead, you ask about the simplest form of you.

If you struggle with answering the question, the next question might help, and it is always the truth, no questions asked.

Who am I?

I am a human being.

A simple, clean start every time when you need to balance your being.

So, now you should be aware and careful with everything that you plan to label yourself as a human being. Let it be good for you, in order to become a beautiful version of yourself.

What do you want?

When you think of this, many things are coming in your mind…

What I want is NOT what I need…

Many times we will come across things that we want and we think that is the same with the things that we need. But be aware…The only thing that we actually really need is not controlled by us and is not something that we need to acquire. It is with you from the moment you arrived, and it will be with you until the end of you.

All you need is your breath… Since we cleared this out.

What are the things that you want?

While you think of what you want, bare in mind that we can find humans existing and living without food, clothes, technology, families, religion, political views, and homes. So it proves that we don’t need them.

What is missing in your life?

Do I miss love or attention in my life, and is it all the same?

In our mind attention is equal to feeling good. No matter what kind of the attention. Sometimes the need for attention is so big, that people do some crazy stuff to attract some of it. But in most cases, people will just pile a layer (of fat) around them, so that they can hide in the hug and feel some kind of love.

We all need people, the attention, and the love. But the only important love and attention that we need to take care is our love for ourselves.

The most important piece of life in your life is your life.

Sadhguru

 

 

 

 

There is an AMAZING connection between your adventures and your feet.

Adventure is a Mindset!!! So, when you program your mind to see the best in everything, wherever you go and with whatever happens, then you are set for an adventure.

This state makes you find, expect and creates a great experience.

But, did we raise the bar for having an adventure? Yes, we did, and we did it so high that it is almost impossible to have one.

What is an adventure for most of the people?

  • A trip to a beautiful tropical island.
  • Travel to a great mountain.
  • Visit the Disneyland.

Not for this mom…

Being a good mom is “Mission impossible” this days, at least according to the social standards and honestly, sometimes I feel is getting to be more trouble than a help to raise a good human beings.

What is the problem?

All the colors and moving advertisements at every step, technology lurking at every corner in our homes, less and less calming nature, makes us and our children destructed and lost. A bad place to be centered and be able to enjoy life that happens in the moment.I decided that I will make the adventure a best thing ever. My getaway from the boring, and routine everyday living.

I decided that I will make the adventure the best thing ever. My get away from the boring, and routine everyday living.

What do children actually need?

Children do not need tropical islands, and the highest mountain top to have an adventure we grownups think we do. Adventure do not need a lot of money, preparation, traveling far, or being on the perfect corners of the earth. Look closely and you will see that sometimes even the muddy paddle is the best adventure ever.

Teach the children to have an adventure wherever they go.

I have found the strategy that works well for me. Instead of working hard and always planning a great trips far away for an adventure I have started doing something else…

The first step out of home is that we are going on adventure. For a different age children like mine (12, 8 and 4) good time is different for everybody. But some things are always the same for all even me.

So this are my adventures ideas that works well for all

Instead of getting out and stay on the same playground every day go to some event in the park.

Going around the neighborhood can be an adventure, going in the next neighborhood can be an adventure too, getting lost and find your way in the nearby street can be very exciting and engaging.

Finding a new playground is an adventure…Go in other parts of your city to look for a different playgrounds, it will be like discovering a new Disneyland.

A walk between the houses on the street, looking in the fences and yards of the houses admiring people’s gardening skills.

How much does adventure costs?

Adventure can cost a pile of money, and it can cost a public transport ticket, or it can be free.

Be open minded, children will find very exciting driving with the bus and a train, make that as the part of the adventure.

Maybe spending money on transport is not as cheap as being in the same playground every day.

But if we reconsider, then this is a small price for building a human being mindset, one that will have to choose on their own in a few years what I really important in their life’s.

If we set our minds to find something we will find it. SO if we look for adventure we will find it.

Have a great adventures with your family.

Here is one of our adventures…

 

The screens are EATING very important part of us.

Before you even try to picture it, the “big monster” in your head as a dragon or a hideous creature I will just add some color to it. My face and the face of my children is the part of that picture.

It is all over the place, we are all part of this big monster called a screen time…

Why do I use this “monster” term… because it is big, overwhelming and scary to deal with, and slowly but surely is taking over our life’s.

And as all, not so nice things in the society, this is one thing that is impacting our children’s life’s the most. Who is responsible? I am afraid that on this one we cannot rely on our children, especially the youngest ones on their awareness to stop. With so many researchers that proves that screen time is as a cocaine for the children (and not only children), we need to start braking these monsters face for the good of all.

If we want to change, then we all need to change, the technology is here to stay and it will make sure that the media is working towards the attraction of more “viewers”, children or not.

It is upon us parents to win over our children’s quality living time.

Awareness is a first step towards solving a problem.

This is some things that can raise awareness while facing the “screen time monster” for your children or yourself.

Why do we allow so much screen time?

Because…

We want to get some rest;

We want to finish some work without disturbance of the children;

We want to have screen time;

Whatever it is, from this three reasons or maybe something totally different, it is not good enough to make our children’s life’s a collateral for the things that the system had created, and we accepted as necessary.

There are few easy things you can do, to take control over the screen time.

  • Take the screen while mealtime.
  • Take screens from the bedroom.
  • Take screens for personal use, tablets and smartphones.
  • Leave only one screen in the house.

There are great writings that can help you and give you ideas how to actually change your family screen time habits. For the children Link, and for grown-ups link.

Another point of awareness is the greatness of the struggle that will appear when you try to take out some screen time.

As being aware for yourself, on how much struggle it takes for you to take attention from the screen, then you can imagine what is happening with the children who haven’t yet mastered their emotions.

Before you do all this…

Make sure you know what to do with the child that has a habit to eat only in front of the screen. You can expect that your struggle with the meals will be even bigger. Link

Make sure that play time will be even harder with all the clutter and toys that are not used for playing with, but are only scattered and left around. Link

Make sure that your teenage child will not cut the communication as a sign of protest. Link

Get creative, because the stakes are big, and the outcome will be beautiful for all.